(Food struggle) Psychosomatic energetics.

There I was, sitting in the office of Katya, a naturopath from Germany. She invites me to sit next to her and starts by asking me some questions. What are my problems? Well, I have many but I talk about my very frequent stomachaches and my non-stop sinus infections. These are my “safe” problems. At the table, I see a machine. Later, I read that this is called a Reba machine, designed to measure a person’s energy. It measures four parts; the mental, vital, emotional and causal energy. If they aren’t optimal, you’ll feel it in different ways.

Before I tell you what that Reba device said about me, I’ll explain some of the issues I have had over the years. I have been going to a therapist to explore and get over childhood abuse. I have been trying to explain to her what I actually felt. I knew I had no energy, mostly a bit in the morning but that was it. I also felt like I had some kind of mental fatigue. A tired brain. The only thing I felt like doing was sitting on the couch, surfing mindlessly. Just the thought of getting up and doing something made me tired.

I also had been feeling numb inside. My feelings had been shut off. I had no idea when it happened. It could be after the loss of my baby. I just didn’t feel anything. When I tried EMDR to try and get over the trauma of the abuse, it just didn’t work. The therapist told me I likely stuffed my feelings way-way down. These were the things my therapist and I were discussing all the time.

Back to Katya. The only thing I had told her before we started were my physical ailments. She had no way of knowing all of the above. The whole procedure was very interesting. She tied a string around my wrists that was connected to the machine and she was adding little vials of somethings to the machine and holding my hands on and off. This went on for about 15 minutes. The things she then told me were scary. First, she asks me what happened when I was 15. My abuse happened when I was way younger but I knew very well what she was talking about. There is not a soul in my world (real life) who knows about this well kept secret (besides therapist). I couldn’t believe she saw that (molestation). She claimed that traumatic event froze my feelings and just locked them up.

She then told me my energy levels. VITAL=45% which I expected and explained why I never have energy. EMOTIONAL= 50% which means I’m not especially unhappy but not happy either. CAUSAL=40 out of 50 which means I’m very sensitive, intuitive and connected to the world around me. MENTAL=23%

She explained that all my mental energy went to making sure the trauma stays deeply hidden. So it’s no wonder there isn’t any left for all the other things. I actually teared up hearing her say this! So it’s not all in my mind! With only 23% of my mental energy working, is it a wonder I’m forever overwhelmed by every little thing? That I cannot retain a single bit of information in my mind? That I can’t think or remember anything? No wonder I thought I had ADD! My husband keeps saying I wasn’t that bad in the beginning of our marriage. As the years go by I believe the energy level went less and less.

This is the first time an explanation made excellent sense. All the doctors I went to, all the alternative practitioners I visited, no one came close to finding the problem. No wonder Ritalin didn’t help! I was so relieved to hear this, I felt half the problem solved.

She also told me to go off Gluten and cow milk as she saw this isn’t good for me. I probably have a gluten sensitivity as I was tested for Celiac disease a few years ago and results were negative. I am willing to try this since I suffer from bloating and stomach cramps.

As it’s been many years, I need to be patient and not expect instant miracles. I need to give it up to five months. 25 years of repression cannot be reversed instantly.

Katya gave me drops to take. 3 times a day I need to smell a certain oil which I must admit is very soothing and calming. She gave me some other instructions which include saying an affirmative sentence to myself several times a day and wearing light blue if I can.

She wants to see me again in 4 weeks. I pray so hard for this to finally be the end of my troubles.

What I also liked about her was the fact that she didn’t bash conventional medicine. She said that she works WITH them. With children, she involves their pediatrician and she loves hearing that we work with therapists. She told me that it increases chances for success.

I will keep you updated on the progress, follow me if you don’t want to miss anything🙂

For a more in-depth explanation of the process, you can visit: http://drsusanhamilton.com/homeopathic-medicine/ and check out her site.

(Food struggle) What’s wrong with me?

I have always suffered from stomachaches from as long as I can remember. After I eat too much I have stomach cramps. I am way too dependent on meds. I also keep getting sinus infections. After going to regular doctors and finding nothing wrong, I started going to alternative practitioners. There I was diagnosed with Candida and they recommended I only eat spelt and limit sugar. I tried to keep to it but as I have said before, I have a very hard time sticking to anything restrictive so that didn’t work very well. I managed for a while but I couldn’t always control myself so I ate wheat, then felt the sinus coming on. It was a vicious cycle with me not being careful and then living off the medication.

Another symptom I suffer from is a terrible brain fog. I feel like I can’t think, can’t gather my thoughts and basically have ADD-like symptoms. I went to multiple psychiatrists but not one was willing to diagnose me with ADD. I was going for therapy for childhood sexual abuse and cried to my therapist that I feel like my life is out of control, I can’t help my ASD/ADD son if I’m like that. She referred me to yet another psychiatrist who took some tests and was willing to start me on meds. I tried Ritalin but no effect. He wanted to go real slow but I had no patience for slow. I needed to find something to help myself as soon as possible. My life was really impossible. I got overwhelmed by every little thing, even making supper was a huge chore for me. My husband was shouldering 90% of the burden of the household in addition to being the main breadwinner. It was not fair to him but I couldn’t manage without him. I felt helpless in my own life. Continue reading (Food struggle) What’s wrong with me?

My food struggle-intro

Hi everybody,

Let me start this off by telling you about myself, my history and what’s next. I hope you’ll relate to at least some of it. Growing up, I was actually thin. No problem whatsoever with my weight. At age 16 I went to study in the UK for 2 years. That’s when the weight slowly started to creep up on me. I wasn’t fat but I was chubby (size 42). I don’t know why but my mother kept on criticizing me for my weight. Even before that, I remember my father jokingly calling me the garbage can of the family as I always used to finish everyone’s leftovers. I got married at 69 kg (which is my dream goal these days). I thought I’d become pregnant right away but that didn’t happen. I did not want to go to a fertility specialist before 2 years had passed but I went for a blood test just to check. It was discovered that I suffered from hypothyroidism. That explained the weight gain that had started after I got married. Continue reading My food struggle-intro

The holiday of Sukkos

Our next holiday is upon us. The high Holidays are over, we hope we are all inscribed in the book of life and that we will merit a good, sweet year.

Sukkos: a major Jewish festival held in the autumn (beginning on the 15th day of Tishri) to commemorate the sheltering of the Israelites in the wilderness. It is marked by the erection of small booths covered in natural materials. (Google)

From tonight, for a week, we partake all our meals in the sukkah, which is best described as a hut. The reason for that is written above. Another reason is that as a temporary dwelling the sukkah also represents the fact that all existence is fragile, and therefore Sukkot is a time to appreciate the shelter of our homes and our bodies. (toriavey.com)

The sukkah is decorated by the kids, here is a picture of ours!

Our sukkah is built in.  Most people erect it only for the holiday and then take it down after. The sukkah is the reason why most Jewish families are only looking to buy apartments with balconies or houses with a garden.

This holiday is a joyous one. The first 2 days are proper holidays, where no electricity is allowed and is like a regular sabbath. Then comes Chol Ha-moed which is called the intermediate days. Some things aren’t allowed, like writing but for the rest, it’s like a regular day. The days are used to go on family outings.

Another commandment that is unique to Sukkot is the taking of the Four Kinds: an etrog(citron), a lulav (palm frond), at least three hadassim (myrtle branches) and two aravot (willow branches). The Midrash tells us that the Four Kinds represent the various types and personalities that comprise the community of Israel, whose intrinsic unity we emphasize on Sukkot. (Chabad.org)


Then comes the next 2 holidays of Shemini atzeres and simchat torah. Simchat Torah is the holiday for the children which they eagerly await for all year. Simcha means joy and the meaning of the holiday is our great joy at finishing and restarting the annual Torah reading cycle. The highlight of the day is called the hakafos in which the men and children dance around in circles 7 times with the Torah scrolls. It’s a beautiful and emotional sight to watch. The first few years of my marriage were hard as I had to see my husband dance empty handed. Oh, how my tears flowed when after 7 years, my husband was dancing with our precious long awaited miracle in his hands! As we want our kids to feel that Torah learning is sweet, the day is characterized by the distribution of sweets and the kids eat more junk food on that day than all year!

This holiday is a beautiful one, full of joy and adults and kids alike wait for it all year round!

Chag sameach!

New blog about my food-struggle.

Hi, friends!

I have long wanted to write about my struggle with weight. I didn’t feel the topic belonged on this blog so I decided to start a new one. If the topic interests you and you’d like to follow my journey, feel free to sign up. There is only one intro post right now but I am trying an alternative treatment which I will chronicle on there.

Hope to see you there!

LINK: https://myfoodstruggle.wordpress.com/

Happy New Year-Shana Tova!

Tonight is the Jewish New Year. Wishing all of us a Happy New Year, a year filled with love, light, health, happiness, riches and Nachas (If you follow this page, you should know what it means 😉
This year was tough on many levels. Personally, we had my little nephew diagnosed and suffer so much, I’m praying for health for him. Globally, we have had much bad news too. They year ahead is scary…The world is changing and not for the better 😦
But we have to stay optimistic. We have to keep believing that things will be good. We will continue to celebrate the good in our lives. This past year was not all bad. We celebrated the Bar Mitzvah of our one and only son, it was a beautiful affair we will long remember. There were good times too, family wise, community wise and global wise..
So here is to a Happy, healthy New year! Thanks for sticking with me and hopefully you’ll all stick around for a long time 🙂
Shana Tova!

Blogging about different aspects of my life as an ultra orthodox chassidic Jewish woman and mother.