As it’s 30 minutes before sabbath, I can only write extremely briefly about this holiday.
The Holiday which celebrates the new beginning of the fruit-bearing cycle begins tonight. It’s the 15th of the Jewish month of Shevat. It’s our custom to celebrate it by eating a variety of fruits, mainly those not eaten all year.
Hopefully next year a longer explanation 🙂
If you have read my previous entries, you know that I’m in the middle of a treatment called PSE. I’m taking drops every day to unfreeze my emotions. I’m still taking them but besides crying a lot, I don’t feel much of a difference in my blocked head. I’ll have patience, though.
Last time I went to my doctor, I told her about my many cramps and bloated stomach. She diagnosed me with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Finally a name for all my misery!
The first thing I did was research IBS online. Time and again a diet came up as the only solution for relief. It’s called FoDMap diet. The foods are divided into high and low fodmaps. For the first 6-8 weeks, you eliminate all high fodmaps foods. After that, you slowly reintroduce them and see how your body reacts to them.
It’s not easy as one of the things not allowed are onions and garlic. I use onions for everything!! Some fruits aren’t allowed like apple, some vegetables like cauliflower and most gluten. I have been trying to eat gluten free until now and although I wasn’t very successful, it will be easy to get back into it.
Today, I woke up with an upset stomach so I’ll take it easy today but tomorrow it starts in full force!
Keep checking the blog for an update in a week or so.
My writing has been stuck for a while. I have enough ideas, that’s not the problem. But I struggle to find an angle with every subject. I want to tell my stories but I think stories alone are not interesting. I have to learn to find something people can relate to. Something that makes people say: “Me too!”. That’s the hardest part of writing. To find the lesson, the universal truth or at least something bigger than “I”.
I hear writing a lot improves writing. I really should be posting more on my blog. But I’m stuck here as well. I don’t know what to write about on here. Any suggestions as to what you’d like to read more of? I think I covered most of our holidays by now. I can’t be too personal as this blog is public and as much as I’d like to think that I’m anonymous, I’m sure it doesn’t take much to figure me out.
So I’d like to hear from you guys what you’d like to get out of this blog.
Thanks in advance!
I just reread my last blog entry. I remember that night. The heartfelt prayers by the holy candles, wishing for clarity and a solution.
I’m so glad to be able to tell you that our prayers have been answered. My son was accepted into a great yeshivah overseas. It looks like it was created just for him. He is one of 8 boys. This school was created for those boys who do not fit into our mainstream yeshivas where the program is rigorous. The learning is much less, they get plenty of individual warmth and attention, there is a psychologist on staff and they have a lot of fun and outings too. They dorm there too. So far, it’s been going really well! He sounds so happy when we speak to him. That makes our hearts happy.
Sometimes, when a bad thing happens; we question why. It’s hard to see the good in those moments. But I always got strength of something I once heard. Life is like a tapestry. The back of a tapestry looks terrible. Lots of tangled strings and knots and it is just one big mess. That’s what we humans see down here below. But when you look at it from the other side, there is a beautiful picture. G-d sees that picture. Our life unfolds as it should, with a beautiful tapestry but we don’t always see the big picture. We need to trust that everything that happens is for our good. I hope I don’t sound preachy because I’m actually talking to myself here.
I can now say that as hard as that whole situation was, it was ultimately for his own good. Had he stayed in his old school, who knows how things would have turned out? I would not have found that incredible school. He is only there for a short while but I can already hear him sound less stressed, more relaxed and overall happy. I kept telling myself that whole story WILL have a silver lining because G-d ultimately does what’s best for us and it’s not always the easy way. But we have all grown from this, my husband and me as a couple and my son and my husband too. As a family, this has really brought us together.
And that is the blessing in disguise.
Thank you all for the support and for reading what I have to say!
It’s the 8th night of Hannukah. It’s written in our holy books that on the last night, you can ask G-d for anything you need. It’s an auspicious time for prayer and prayer requests. I am sitting by the menorah, together with my husband and children.
The candles are flickering slightly and as my husband sings the Psalms I gaze deeply into the holy flames, letting my mind wander. I have lots to pray for. I think of my dear son, who has such difficulty controlling his impulses, some of them downright harmful. One of his impulses got him kicked out of yeshivah. I’m praying for him to understand the gravity of his impulse and what his future could be if he doesn’t learn how to control it. I’m asking G-d to please help the psychiatrist find good meds to help him overcome his obsessions/compulsions and not to have to go through the same dance we had while trying to find the right meds for his ADD. (which we still haven’t).
Tears are starting to flow as I beseech G-d to find him the right Yeshivah which will accept him as he is and will be willing to help him as he confronts and works through his issues. My heart cannot accept that I will have to send him away from home that young but I can only hope that G-d made all this happen so that he could end up in the Yeshivah that will be best for him. I pray that G-d gives me the strength to have faith that this is all for the best and that we can see it sooner rather than later.
I hear my husband’s voice starting to shake. My heart goes out to him, too. This is very hard on him, much harder than it’s for me. A father has high hopes for his son. All he wants is to see him successful and happy. His heart breaks seeing his son at home all day. I can hear the prayer in his voice, no doubt praying the same as me.
The Chanukah candles are special, the whole holiday of Chanukah is special. We celebrate the miracle that’s happened many years ago. We can only hope that our prayers by the candles will go straight to heaven and that we may merit our own personal salvation as well.
Happy last day of Chanukah!
Quite a bit has happened in the last few weeks. I have been taking the drops religiously from October. The first few weeks I saw no significant change. Then I started getting some weird symptoms. One fine day I woke up and felt the room spinning like crazy. I never had this before. I anyway had to go to the Dr for blood results so I mentioned the dizziness to her. She checked it out and told me it’s probably vertigo, gave me some exercises to do and told me it will pass in a few days. She told me that it’s probably stress that brought it on. I mentioned the frequent stomachaches I had and the bloating. She checked my stomach and told me I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). That is also brought on by stress.
By my next appointment by Katya I asked her if it’s possible that the drops relieve all my stress and that’s why I suddenly have all these stress symptoms? She agreed that this was the reason. She also told me that the drops force my body to unfreeze itself so I can expect lots of tears in the future.
Not long after that appointment my grandmother passed away. 10 min after I heard the news, my son came home and told me he was expelled from his Yeshivah. Devastated was an understatement. The tears flowed..
He is home now. It’s not easy to try and fill his days. We need to find a new Yeshivah and a specialized therapist for his issues. I’m leaving to Israel on Thursday for 10 days with my son as we found an organization that deals with an issue he has. We’re going for an eval and hopefully get a plan on how to help him.
I will keep you updated on how things work out.